But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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