doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
