I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
