Welp...herpes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
