My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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