So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
