Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
