I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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