maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
