Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
