Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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