I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Shame - the story of my life.
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