R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
