Soap is not a condiment
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
