he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
