i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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