Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
