chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
