I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
