The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
where does the pee come out of this thing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
