I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
