Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We had sex on a dog bed..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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