wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Found your dick twin last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
