i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
