I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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