Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize