I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
