If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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