I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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