He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
