Your dad touched me again.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
