remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
