I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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