pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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