Non-Jews are for practice
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
