apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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