At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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