No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
