Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Small penises have feelings too.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am one with the molecules
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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