just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
