you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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