There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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