We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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