He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
