While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
