She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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