Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
