he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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