Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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