i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
