# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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