I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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