Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
