And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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