i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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