OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
