conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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