i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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