That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
