He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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