After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
