I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
