They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
