I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
