My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
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