I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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