we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
