The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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