I'm really into asian looking animals
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
