i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
