I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
