let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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