i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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