I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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