are you still at the devil's house?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
