I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
