How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
