I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
