piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
