why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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