this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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