The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think people are normalizing furries
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
