I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
