you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
