Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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