You work out of a Hotel?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
