totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
