He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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