He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
