Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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