I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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