brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
