Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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