I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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