You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
